𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞'𝐬 𝐓𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 / Poem

Love's Testament; On this one year anniversary of my beloved wife Wendy's passing over (4/10/19) or as I prefer to say of her having  ascended into spirit where she is now as joyful and loving as ever. This poem portrays her continuing beautiful presence and our ongoing love.

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲'𝘀 𝗧𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 ***

She is the very spirit of loving kindness flowing,

Flowering with an ever gentle incandescence of joy,

I find the calm space of the true heart - the deeply knowing,

And then hear the shining light of your soul-love calling me on -

To our heavenly home beyond dimensions known where I will be with you soon,

In the garden of the beloved where together we belong -

Each life follows a path imbued with deep and heartfelt meaning,

Absolute love is the ultimate cause of the trans-dimensional infinite spirit streaming,

I hear her calling

Be Awake with an abundance of love - you divine infinity!

And then I perceive she is near me,

And she is joyful with glee -

How bright within without a form yet I do clearly see,

My heart keeps breaking and being renewed in this divine love - so may it be,

How can I follow the secret pathways by which your spiritual presence does grow,

Or for even a moment hope to smile if your deep loving soul I did not know,

And how quickly can I move to where you are in spirit right now,

Also here -

And yet I do -

Because your love is in my every breath, every heartbeat, thought, word and moment -

Beyond all the murmurings of my restless mind your heart reaches me gently with a sigh,

Tomorrow is gone and yesterday will sing her song but your peaceful joy is resounding,

And you are smiling with kindness and grace and your love is ever abounding -

She sparkles then and stars fall from the heavens to her feet,

Like they always did,

Laughing -

Together in the truth beyond this unreality that they call the now moment,

Unbinding my spirit from the earthly self I am dancing with you in our love's bestowment,

Uplifting soul beyond emotion-tides that would sweep heart-mind awareness away,

I am stood at your infinities endless shore every night and every day -

And you teach devotion true with love's most sacred prayer,

Your presence in my heart lifts my soul like the silvered dandelions whose joy transforms the air,

Quantum particles of the forever-now celebrate our love's blessing everywhere,

And we dance as one beyond the reach of time and outside of every care -

Stepping through remembrances into the ever joyful presence of your love,

I am begun the work of understanding that would usually come sometime in the above,

learning to recognise the many patterns that have played throughout our lives,

I am so grateful to have found this love with you through which our spirits ever rise -

I walk this garden with you daily and follow my soul path home,

With only your love to guide me and the flowers of love you have sown,

The light of your dear heart shining within every crocus and chrysanthemum in bloom,

Gentle as gentian dark cobalt hue the gateway inexpressible - here the inner shrine,

Your love's testament is written on my heart forever divine -

Titus L

* * * * * * * *
Art = Love's Testament by Phoebe Traquair (1852-1936).
Scottish Arts & Crafts artist, Phoebe Traquair was the first woman elected to the Royal Scottish Academy.

This painting is a perfect choice to illustrate my poem as it evokes the potentially transcendent spiritual nature of love, which continues to flow between Wendy and myself even now that she has left her body and moved into spirit completely. In researching the background of the painting I found it was inspired by a Dante Gabriel Rossetti poem of the same name (Love's Testament), which in its turn was based on a darker, Greek mythologically based Edward Burne-Jones painting, the Wine of Circe. Whilst Dante Gabriel Rossetti's sonnet refers to the religious ground of the love being discussed, I express that spiritual love itself is a gateway to the divine. 

Here is Dante Gabriel Rossetti's poem;

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲'𝘀 𝗧𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁

O Thou who at Love's hour ecstatically
Unto my heart dost evermore present,
Clothed with his fire, thy heart his testament;
Whom I have neared and felt thy breath to be
The inmost incense of his sanctuary;
Who without speech hast owned him, and, intent
Upon his will, thy life with mine hast blent,
And murmured, "I am thine, thou'rt one with me!"
O what from thee the grace, to me the prize,
And what to Love the glory, --when the whole
Of the deep stair thou tread'st to the dim shoal
And weary water of the place of sighs,
And there dost work deliverance, as thine eyes
Draw up my prisoned spirit to thy soul!

Dante Gabriel Rossetti.

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲'𝘀 𝗧𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝘆 𝗣𝗵𝗼𝗲𝗯𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗶𝗿

𝐀 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 / Poem

A Dream Came Calling

Its been nearly a year since your body-death took you physically away,

Each day and night with heart and soul full of love for your spirit I pray -

About half past five this morning whilst I was still dancing with sleeptide and yawning,

As I moved from dimensions outside knowing into the shores of early consciousness calling,

You came to me all of a sudden and I was startlingly awake within a dream,

Portraying to my inner heart and deeper self the spirit and song of your being -

Upon the kitchen table a gathering of papers were consumed in a flowering of flame,

I realised this is a coded symbol for my soul sendings of love poetry to your spiritual domain,

That my offerings have been accepted and the bridge to my psyche you have crossed over,

You reply to my soul by the medium of this dream and my heart is reunited with your love -

And then you were right beside me and you passed me a live telephone,

I thought you wanted me to speak to some friend lost and far from hearts home,

In the speaking I came to awareness that this friend was my self across all of the years,

And that you want me to know your message is to my whole being beyond imaginary fears -

I knew I had to attend closely and discover what you want me to do,

So I began to recount in brief the tale of our adventures on earth as me and you,

Of how following your body-death I came to know the truth of spiritual ascension,

And then I realised my messages are the correspondance between our love's joyful and ongoing attention -

I remembered you had sometimes tried to call me from a dream but could not get through,

You had in waking life difficulties with the technology so this was nothing new,

Nevertheless it indicated somehow you hadn't felt heard for which I gave comfort and with love reassured,

I think now that you had wanted to tell me of the spiritual quest you were making which was not yet for me to see -

Nevertheless this morning you handed the dreaming phone to me,

And in the telling of my account I lost focus for I had too much to say,

I did then quiet the mind and listen to your spirit in a deeper and meaningful way,

And as I spoke no more I saw that I was stood upon kitchen cinders -

You asked me to pass the cooking pot which I pulled up from these and gave to you,

The cinders indicate my grief following your body-death and my spiritual struggle to carry on through,

The cooking pot traditionally stands for wife and for home, the ambivalence of cast iron here for none so strong in love as you,

Its perfect condition in brightness tells me you are well and our love in togetherness across the realms too -

That the pot was clear and unsulied sky blue confirms our loves devotion, heart's honesty, faith, wisdom and trust,

And the colour in this case indicates the third eye chakra telling that my psychic perception is growing robust,

This dream communication symbolizes the loving spiritual tranquility that between us continues to flow,

And initial dismay over daunting imagery is swept away as inner self accepts what I already know -

From your heart of loving kindness you have reached across the realms today,

And having given into your divine tender care the sky blue cauldron of our happiness I pray,

That I may now perceive more of the communications which from your loving heart you share,

Thank you my beloved for all your wonders and for your love beyond compare -

TitusL

( 22/09/20. 5.25)

A Dream Decoded -

 

This dream was a very potent and powerful dream, full of William Blake style imagery illuminated with light and presence. It had its own momentum and did not feel as though it was self generated or drawn from the components of my daily life, but that it moved rather like a drama through various points intentionally. It employed imagery and tropes that are not common furniture in my life ( we have no such cooking pot and nor have I seen any like it) nor in my current reading (Jane Roberts ). It spoke directly to a number of pressing emotional and spiritual concerns however and left me feeling very engaged, enlivened and empowered. These aspects convinced me that it was a direct message from my beloved wife now crossed over into spirit.

Some of the symbols used however were quite startling in their imagery and potential ambiguity, which I presume was why they were chosen. To be attention grabbing and memorable, rather than soft and gently flowing into forgetfullness as the morning unfurled and the wakeful mind of day concerns swept them away.

I explain the symbols employed in this dream here;

 

Whilst dream interpretation cannot be a perfect science as despite general themes, the actual interpretation will always be person specific because we each construct our own meanings and nuances for every symbol. Despite this precaution, I offer my interpretation of the symbols used in this dream because they are drawn from among the more widely accepted possibilities of meaning and these readings resonated for me with this dream.

The trope of burning a letter to send its message to the departed one is a quite well known procedure in contacting the spirit realm according to contemporary myth and legend and as such needs no further explanation. It was a surprise to see this method employed here however to denote that my poems had been sent and received, but it makes perfect sense too. All the poems are after all letters of my love to my beloved, they are also bridges to the state of love which is found within and yet stretches onward for infinity. I share them for the purpose of discussion with any who have similarly experienced and perhaps to give hope to those who might be at a more clouded point in their own situation.

The use of a telephone in a dream is potentially problematic as this is often thought to represent trouble in communication. In our case that we already had actual problems of the same nature physically as well as Wendy having had dream troubles telephoning me previously, indicates that the form employed for this aspect of the message was relevant for us. It did serve to focus my attention to see what the matter might be in this dream and the following experience of my many selves united to whom I was speaking suggested that Wendy's message was to be made very clear to all of my aspects of character, self and soul. That I am loved, completely.

The use of cinders in a dream can also be problematic. Apparently if you merely observed the cinders it is thought that you can expect a temporary setback in your present plans; but if the dream involved shoveling or handling them in any way the forecast is for improved times ahead. In our case as the cinders although observed 'in passing' were not handled nor featured suggests that the negatives of cinder association were left behind. This is an important aspect for me as regards not wanting any setback in my present plans, which are entirely about developing a stronger awareness and contact with my passed over wife and in fulfilling my life's soul plan so that I can join her in the spiritual completeness.

In a dream a cooking pot, which is generally used to cook liquids and so the association leans more toward the feelings, represents one's wife or beloved, livelihood and home, while the lid represents the husband. If the pot looks to be in a good condition in the dream, then it represents his nobility and honor. I am glad to say that our pot was in great condition, literally perfect and had its lid firmly on.

Dreaming of a cooking pot can also symbolize your attempt to overcome self limiting ideas (such as those which might block awareness of spirit) as you move toward fulfillment. This aspect would be specifically relevant and key for us/me as you can see in my above comment regards connection with my wifes spirit and fulfilling the soul plan.

That the cooking pot was cast iron - a fact made very clear to me without words but by almost audible knowing, indicates one's untapped resources. Potentially you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something or are ready to heal from some emotional hurt or wound. This would be particularly relevant for me, to hand over my emotional grief and mental anguish following my wifes body-death, to her ascended self in spirit, that from her spiritual postion of greater insight and freedom she can guide me onward. At this point in my current life grieving process, I am indeed in need of her guidance to follow.

In regards of the unusual colour of the cooking pot, whilst murky or darker blue can symbolise grief or sadness, in our dream the blue was a very distinct and bright sky blue. As blue is the color of the sky and the skies are associated with heaven, the color blue is also a symbol of high spirituality and as lasting as the skies are eternal. Light blue in particular is related to healing, understanding, softness, health, peace, relaxation, wisdom, devotion and sincerity...

All of these are wonderful aspects for my path, we couldnt have wished for a more perfect dream cooking pot.

That I was able to bring all of my characteristics and aspects together, to 'listen to/interpret' her message, that I retrieved the light blue pot of healing, health and love, from the cinders of my often overwhelming emotional grief, and handed them to my now non physical - spiritual beloved for her care, indicates that we are deeply reconnected after any perceived breakdown in our heart and soul connection following the trauma of body-death and absolutely fundamental loss for me/ illuminating spiritual transcendence for her. It suggests that she is in spirit watching over me now, with her love to guide me ever on.

 

𝗔𝗿𝘁 = 𝗛𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝘂𝘀𝗲

𝗘𝗱𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱-𝗙𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰̧𝗼𝗶𝘀 𝗔𝗺𝗮𝗻-𝗝𝗲𝗮𝗻.

Hesiod ( 'he who emits the voice') was an ancient Greek poet from around 750 - 650 BC, around the same time as Homer. We learn from Hesiod that he was taught 'song' by the Muses.

(Theogony 22). ( Source = Project Muse).

The three original Muses (later tripled in the Greek pantheon to nine) are Aode, Mneme, and Melete. They originated from Boeotia, the home area in ancient Greece of Hesiod. As daughters of the Gods, the Muses are naturally divine and often depicted as angelic women with wings. 

Wendy is my most beloved Muse of love, bringing me messages of faith, hope and joy as we continue our spiritual adventure together ❤️❤️🌺✨✨✨✨

Something So Fine / Guest Poem = Song

Something So Fine;

Oh darling, took a little time,
To clear the path betwen your heart and mine,
I tell tell you its nothing turning water to wine, but love is really something -

You could've left me when i came back roughed (?)
Could've packed your heart and said that you've had enough,
But you stayed with me and laid your love on the line,
Now we got something - so fine.

Ohh oh we got something so fine
I just wanted to remind you
Some people look for love like this all their lives -
And never find it.

Sky could tumble and the earth could quake,
Love might feel a rumble but it would not shake,
We could choose to drop this and it would not break
Truly amazing -
Hold me, in your heart of hearts,
I'll do the same.
Maybe thats all I really need when I say strength and the things that remain.
I could loose my partience, I could loosemy way,
My friends, my home, my health could go some day -
I could think I lost your love and then loose my mind,
But I could never really loose something so fine.

Ohh ohh we got something so fine,
I just wanted to remind you,
Some people look for love like this all their lives -
And never find it.

Ohh oh we got something so fine,
Some people look for love like this all their lives -
And never find it.

Kirtana
from the album Healing Rain.

The Offering / Guest Poem = Song

The Offering -

This river is a mighty one;
I have to trust its flow
But if you asked me where it's taking us,
I wouldn't say I know.
But I will go there willingly;
she's never led me astray.
And I've only be bruised
when I've refused to get out of my way.

So, I wouldn't stop the rain.
No, I wouldn't stop the rain.
What good would it do?
And I wouldn't trade the pain,
or mess with the math that created the path
that eventually led to you , my love.
I give you my love.

And when I say love
I mean a love that will stay love
through every change that could betray love
and the vicissitudes of time.
I mean mature love,
unconditional and pure love.
The kind of love I feel with your love,
I want you to feel with mine.

And if I had it to do over now
I am certain of one thing -
when the carousel came back around
I would still reach for that ring.
I would still reach for your arms, my love,
despite the pain that reach could bring.
I would still say Ôyes' to life and love
and accept the offering.

And I wouldn't stop the sun.
No, I wouldn't stop the sun -
What good would it do?
And I would rather stand than run
and squarely face the warmth and grace
of a blessing when it comes, my love.
I give you my love.

And when I say love
I mean a love that will stay love
through every change that could betray love
and the vicissitudes of time.
I mean mature love,
unconditional and pure love.
The kind of love I feel with your love,
I want you to feel with mine.

By Kirtana from the album The Offering.
( http://www.kirtana.com/content/offering-0 )

Kirtana is a songtress and poet of the highest order, I am listening to a lot of her beautiful songs and singing and finding them to be tremendously moving, inspiring and uplifting xx

And If I Go While You're Still Here / Guest Poem

And if I go, while you’re still here…..

Know that I live on,

Vibrating to a different measure

Behind a thin veil you cannot

See through.

You will not see me,

So you must have faith.

I wait for the time when

We can soar together again,

Both aware of each other.

Until then, live your life to its fullest

And when you need me,

Just whisper my name in your heart,

…….I will be there.


Emily Dickinson.

How Could I Speak To Anyone / Poem

How could I speak to anyone now..

Before now I could laugh out loud, share a thoughtful aside or just ask for directions.
Anything.

Now I am silent, my heart isn't here anymore  - nothing can change that,
so there's nothing to say.

There's tears and there's silence.

The silence holds me in its quietitude - abjectly.

I want to hear you again.

I am hushed lest I block your soundwaves, your spirit,
your golden spirit...

I can't speak to anyone

© TitusL

The Shock / Poem

The first shock -it was mighty and insurpassable, memorable, inescapable - resounding. It actually really happened - she is gone!

Then follows after shock- a reprieve or echo of everything that came before, lumbering and collapsing ontop of me, knocking me sideways, forever.

Then as moments merge into minutes, stumble into hours and slip into days there is ongoing shock, which leaves me perpetually dazed, breathless and aghast.

Oh - Indiferent shock, as family and friends dont quite seem to understand tho they really do care, some seem to turn a deaf ear/blind eye/closed heart -

Persistant leading to cummulative shock, as the situation does not get any better, it worsens.....

Indivisible shock, by now everything starts to become a trigger to memories leading to feelings which are now frozen like frost giants in the grief.

Profound shock - as we try to summarise the experience for outsiders.

And then theres existential shock - with this life now devoid of meaning,
how can I possibly continue - yet I must.

© TitusL