Continuing Bonds: Shifting the Grief Paradigm;
Heres another post that I compiled to share in the Bereavement Forum which may be of interest to others too. It details a different approach to coping with the grief for a lost loved one than the more widely known reconciliation and closure methods - that of continuing your bond or bridge of love to and with your beloved.
If ideas of acceptance, closure, reinvestment of energy, and embarking on a ‘new life’ have ever rubbed you the wrong way, you are not alone. It was only a matter of time before someone stood up and yelled, I don’t need to put my loved one in the past and reinvest my energy in a new life in order to be healthy and well-adjusted! Klass, Silverman, and Nickman, explicitly questioned the dominant models of grief. The(ir) book suggested that perhaps these linear models, ending in a detachment from the person we’ve lost, were denying a reality of how many people grieve. They suggested a new paradigm, rooted in the observation of healthy grief that did not resolve by detaching from the deceased, but rather in creating a new relationship with the deceased.
Here is the 30 second summary: under this model, when your loved one dies grief isn’t about working through a linear process that ends with ‘acceptance’ or a ‘new life’, where you have moved on or compartmentalized your loved one’s memory. Rather, when a loved one dies you slowly find ways to adjust and redefine your relationship with that person, allowing for a continued bond with that person that will endure, in different ways and to varying degrees, throughout your life. This relationship is not unhealthy, nor does it mean you are not grieving in a normal way. Instead, the continuing bonds theory suggests that this is not only normal and healthy, but that an important part of grief is continuing ties to loved ones in this way. Rather than assuming detachment as a normal grief response, continuing bonds considers natural human attachment even in death.
If you are interested please follow the link below for more details -
SOURCE; WHATS YOUR GRIEF ( https://whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-g…/ )
16 Tips for Continuing Bonds with People We’ve Lost
With decades of grief theory that focused on closure, acceptance, and moving on, it is no wonder that so many grievers feel self-conscious about maintaining ties with their deceased loved one after a certain period of time. Many now believe that healthy grief involves finding a new and different relationship with the person who died.
If you love the continuing bonds theory you may be looking for ways to continue bonds with your loved one.
We have some ideas here;
1. Talk to them
2. Write letters to the person you lost.
3. Keep photos of the person around.
4. Incorporate your loved one into events and special days.
5. Imagine what advice they would give you when making tough decisions.
6. Talk about them with new people, who never got to know your loved one.
7. Live your life in a way you know they would be proud of.
8. Finish a project they were working on.
9. Take a trip they always wanted to take.
10. Keep up their facebook page.
11. Adopt a hobby that they enjoyed.
12. Create a Dear Photograph.
13. Plan for the anniversary.
14. Keep something that belonged to your loved one.
15. Enjoy comfort foods.
16. Experience your loved one’s presence.
It is common to feel the presence of your loved one – it may just be a feeling, it may be a specific type of wind or bird or countless other things that seem to be a sign of our loved one’s presence. Unlike the studies about keeping something that belonged to your loved one, feeling your loved one’s presence has been shown in studies to ease the sadness that accompanies grief. So when you feel your loved one’s presence, feel it without apology or any worry that you are crazy! This is a normal and helpful way we continue bonds with our loved ones.
More details for all of those points if you follow the link below -
SOURCE; WHATS YOUR GRIEF ( https://whatsyourgrief.com/16-practical-tips-continuing-bo…/ )
I like this outlook as it very clearly portrays how I have been feeling and instinctually behaving, it seems to focus on love more than grief and continuance of that love rather than closure. It may not be for everyone, but for me it is encouraging that my approach does not mean I have lost my mind or that my grief is charting less than healthy waters - its an other way of addressing this situation, of remaining in touch, of cherishing the flame of love.
I hope this outlook may be of help to some.
TitusL xx
artwork co brigitte devia jost
Heres another post that I compiled to share in the Bereavement Forum which may be of interest to others too. It details a different approach to coping with the grief for a lost loved one than the more widely known reconciliation and closure methods - that of continuing your bond or bridge of love to and with your beloved.
If ideas of acceptance, closure, reinvestment of energy, and embarking on a ‘new life’ have ever rubbed you the wrong way, you are not alone. It was only a matter of time before someone stood up and yelled, I don’t need to put my loved one in the past and reinvest my energy in a new life in order to be healthy and well-adjusted! Klass, Silverman, and Nickman, explicitly questioned the dominant models of grief. The(ir) book suggested that perhaps these linear models, ending in a detachment from the person we’ve lost, were denying a reality of how many people grieve. They suggested a new paradigm, rooted in the observation of healthy grief that did not resolve by detaching from the deceased, but rather in creating a new relationship with the deceased.
Here is the 30 second summary: under this model, when your loved one dies grief isn’t about working through a linear process that ends with ‘acceptance’ or a ‘new life’, where you have moved on or compartmentalized your loved one’s memory. Rather, when a loved one dies you slowly find ways to adjust and redefine your relationship with that person, allowing for a continued bond with that person that will endure, in different ways and to varying degrees, throughout your life. This relationship is not unhealthy, nor does it mean you are not grieving in a normal way. Instead, the continuing bonds theory suggests that this is not only normal and healthy, but that an important part of grief is continuing ties to loved ones in this way. Rather than assuming detachment as a normal grief response, continuing bonds considers natural human attachment even in death.
If you are interested please follow the link below for more details -
SOURCE; WHATS YOUR GRIEF ( https://whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-g…/ )
16 Tips for Continuing Bonds with People We’ve Lost
With decades of grief theory that focused on closure, acceptance, and moving on, it is no wonder that so many grievers feel self-conscious about maintaining ties with their deceased loved one after a certain period of time. Many now believe that healthy grief involves finding a new and different relationship with the person who died.
If you love the continuing bonds theory you may be looking for ways to continue bonds with your loved one.
We have some ideas here;
1. Talk to them
2. Write letters to the person you lost.
3. Keep photos of the person around.
4. Incorporate your loved one into events and special days.
5. Imagine what advice they would give you when making tough decisions.
6. Talk about them with new people, who never got to know your loved one.
7. Live your life in a way you know they would be proud of.
8. Finish a project they were working on.
9. Take a trip they always wanted to take.
10. Keep up their facebook page.
11. Adopt a hobby that they enjoyed.
12. Create a Dear Photograph.
13. Plan for the anniversary.
14. Keep something that belonged to your loved one.
15. Enjoy comfort foods.
16. Experience your loved one’s presence.
It is common to feel the presence of your loved one – it may just be a feeling, it may be a specific type of wind or bird or countless other things that seem to be a sign of our loved one’s presence. Unlike the studies about keeping something that belonged to your loved one, feeling your loved one’s presence has been shown in studies to ease the sadness that accompanies grief. So when you feel your loved one’s presence, feel it without apology or any worry that you are crazy! This is a normal and helpful way we continue bonds with our loved ones.
More details for all of those points if you follow the link below -
SOURCE; WHATS YOUR GRIEF ( https://whatsyourgrief.com/16-practical-tips-continuing-bo…/ )
I like this outlook as it very clearly portrays how I have been feeling and instinctually behaving, it seems to focus on love more than grief and continuance of that love rather than closure. It may not be for everyone, but for me it is encouraging that my approach does not mean I have lost my mind or that my grief is charting less than healthy waters - its an other way of addressing this situation, of remaining in touch, of cherishing the flame of love.
I hope this outlook may be of help to some.
TitusL xx
artwork co brigitte devia jost
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